A recent New Yorker article about the precarious position that us Northwesterners find ourselves in, regarding the potential for a massive earthquake has created a bit of a collective stir in paranoid consciousness. The article suggests, if the big one hits, everything west of Interstate-5, might be "toast." This has created quite a hornets nest of fear in the more skittish members of the local populace. This collective anxiety reminded me of the planet Bethselamin, from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe, by legendary author Douglas Adams. Here is the wikipedia description of the planet:
Bethselamin is a fabulously beautiful planet which attracts billions of tourists each year. Unsurprisingly, cumulative erosion is a serious concern of the local authorities. Their solution is to calculate the net imbalance between the amount of matter eaten and the amount subsequently excreted by each visitor, and remove the weight difference through amputative surgery. Thus it is vitally important to get a receipt after every trip to the lavatory while on the planet.
How is this related? I have a novel hypothesis on why this threat, which has really been here all along, has only recently become a hot topic of discussion. The reason is that, similar to Douglas Adams' planet, the risk of earthquake has been significantly enhanced by the collective humanity that has poured into the region. It is simple physics. There is now more weight in this region of the country from all the human beings moving here, which creates an imbalance in the subduction zone, which might exacerbate seismic activity. As far as I know this idea is completely novel, and this hypothesis awaits testing by the scientific community. But, until testing confirms my theory, I propose that we take the following precautions; 1) No one will be allowed to move to Seattle or Portland unless they can persuade at least two people to leave. This has the dual benefit of ameliorating some of the problems with traffic congestion and the housing shortage that have plagued Seattle recently. 2) If you feel compelled to visit, you must pay a homeless person (and house and feed them, of course) to travel elsewhere during the duration of your stay. This idea also has multiple benefits. It provides gainful employment to the indigent population and encourages tourism (and cultural exchange!) between different regions of the country.
I realize this is a novel idea, and will likely be controversial, but it is my hope that this small blog entry will be a starting point of community discussion, that will lead to endless town hall meetings, followed by the formation of an actionable change in public policy, followed by more public discussion, and eventual death in committee. Spread the word. We need to take action on this now.
I realize this is a novel idea, and will likely be controversial, but it is my hope that this small blog entry will be a starting point of community discussion, that will lead to endless town hall meetings, followed by the formation of an actionable change in public policy, followed by more public discussion, and eventual death in committee. Spread the word. We need to take action on this now.
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