Scot Bastian Ph.D.
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A Podcast Interview about Vaccines (and other topics) on Morgan's Martini Hour

3/18/2014

1 Comment

 
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Last week I was interviewed by Morgan Dusatko about skepticism and skeptical issues--a pretty broad topic. Here is a link if you want to check it out. I'm featured mostly in the first and third segments. Here is a link to several entertaining podcasts from Morgan's Martini Hour.
   The although the conversation drifted, we circled around a few times to the topic of vaccination. This is much-traveled ground for skeptics, and I assume that most readers of this blog know that a lot of naive people were (and still are) confused by the onset of autism which correlates with the regimen of vaccinations administered to children. The beginning of this panic is traceable to the fraudulent publications by a British physician Andrew Wakefield. The long, sad, story of Wakefield is beautifully illustrated in cartoon form by Darryl Cunningham. Everyone loves cartoons--so go check it out.  I'll wait. Unfortunately, a few celebrities, notably Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey were convinced that vaccines are dangerous, and their anti-vaccine views are  now running rampant. The issue has devolved from a public health issue to, supposedly, a civil rights issue, with many people now exercising their rights to refuse vaccination resulting in a reduction in our immunity and a resurgence in some serious diseases. Let's not pull any punches, people have DIED because the anti-vax movement. For more info about the vaccine controversy I suggest the wikipedia entry on vaccine controversies--which I think is a pretty good general summary.  
   On the podcast, I told the co-host, Shannon, that I would try and explain the basis of vaccination. I think the host, Morgan, as he explained it, didn't want to get "too deep into the weeds" regarding the topic, which is understandable. After all, it's an entertainment show, not a science show. 
   The story of vaccines started with Edward Jenner, who in the 18th century, long before the discovery of germ theory with it's champions Louis Pasteur and Robert Koch. At the time smallpox was a devastating disease, but it was noted that if you survived smallpox, you never developed it again. Although they didn't understand the details then, our immune system, once it recognized the "bug" would prevent us from developing the disease. This led to attempts in Jenner's day at treatment in a process called "variolation" to actually infect patients with a mild case of smallpox to prevent onset of the full-blown disease. It didn't work very well. Dosing was a problem. Sometimes the variolation was inadequate, other times it led to smallpox. But, the observant Dr Jenner, noted that milkmaids often were immune to smallpox. In fact, many were employed as nurses for smallpox victims. It turned out, to make a long and fascinating story short, that the milkmaids were often infected with certain forms of cowpox that they caught from milking cows. So, Jenner treated an 8 year old, James Phipps, with cowpox (called "vaccinia") and then inoculated him six weeks later with smallpox. (This experiment is of dubious ethics and certainly would not be approved in this way today.) The boy survived and Jenner is said to "have saved more lives than any other human." Smallpox has now been eradicated from the planet in 1977. And there are ongoing efforts to eradicate polio.

   So, how does it work? In simple terms, the cowpox virus has a region similar in shape on the surface of the smallpox virus. Once our immune system recognized cowpox it could repel smallpox.  More recent vaccines use harmless chunks of the pathogen to stimulate the immune system, thus using our own bodies' immune systems to prevent us from getting sick. The reason it is harder to develop vaccines for the common cold and AIDS is because these viruses tend to change. It's really that simple. 
   One problem that is feeding the antivax movement is that we're forgetting how effective vaccines are. Here's a list provided by the Center For Disease Control of vaccine-preventable diseases. It's quite a list. My advice to anyone under 50 years old, who perhaps has never seen it, is to ask an older person just how devastating a disease that polio can be. It was a disease that not only paralyzed its victims, but paralyzed society with infectious fear. So, if you bring your child to the doctor, instead of complaining about the number of vaccines that your child is subject to, I recommend that you feel grateful for the number of deadly diseases they prevent.
    In summary, let me reiterate what I told Shannon at the recording session, I'm really glad you and your husband made the decision to have your child vaccinated. Now I'm going to gross you out a little. Below are three pictures showing, left to right, the devastating effects of smallpox, polio and  whooping cough (Pertussis). 

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   I hope Shannon, for the sake of society, and the sake of our children, that more parents make the same decision that you did. Thank you.

1 Comment

What's On My Mind?  A Compilation of Facebook Rants, Raves, and Kittycat Tales.

10/23/2013

2 Comments

 
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I admit it. I’m a Facebook addict. I love chatting and arguing with my friends.  So, in the spirit of the book "Sh*t My Dad Says" here's "Sh*t That I Say." Enjoy.

10/22/13
I bought tomatoes about ten days ago and they are still hard enough to break a window. This keeps up and I'm going to have them carbon dated to see how long ago they were actually grown.

Rant Mode on. Abraham Lincoln, a Republican, was instrumental in the abolition of slavery. Staunch segregationists, Lester Maddox and George Wallace were Democrats, and now the bigots lobby seems to be comfortably nestled in Republican Party, with such dubious champions as Jesse Helms, and more recently, Michele Bachman. When are we going to learn that racism and bigotry should never find safe-harbor in either party--or anywhere else, for that matter? Rant mode off.

10/18/13
There is a pending announcement regarding the solution to the federal debt issue. There will be a tax on cute cat videos posted on the internet. It is predicted that within six months that we will have a budgetary surplus.

10/12/13
All right just as I was getting used to people using the word "woah," today I saw the word "whoah." Where does this madness end!

10/11/13

I run into this all the time. Yesterday I talked to someone who was railing about the government wasting all "our" money on foreign aid. He guessed that we spent 20% of our Federal budget on foreign aid. For the record I corrected him but was wrong about the total amount. I thought it was "much less" than 1%. I was wrong, it is apparently just over 1%.

10/11/13
I think there is a concept that many of my (mostly Liberal) FB friends completely miss. When you create publicity for [Fill in the name of your favorite wingnut commentator] and post a quote or a youtube video declaring something like "Look what this nutjob is saying now," you are actually doing them a favor. These sorts of critters thrive on not only love, but hate. Their currency is viewership. Ignore them. Do not propagate their views. You only help them to win. Take this quote from Howard Stern's film "Private Parts."

"Researcher: The average radio listener listens for eighteen minutes. The average Howard Stern fan listens for - are you ready for this? - an hour and twenty minutes.
Pig Vomit: How can that be?
Researcher: Answer most commonly given? "I want to see what he'll say next."
Pig Vomit: Okay, fine. But what about the people who hate Stern?
Researcher: Good point. The average Stern hater listens for two and a half hours a
    day.
Pig Vomit: But... if they hate him, why do they listen?
Researcher: Most common answer? "I want to see what he'll say next."

10/9/13
Based on the mixture of Emails in my Yahoo SPAM box, my penis is in dire need of enlargement, and yet, there is an astonishing number of women who are interested in me. What gives?

Well, I bought a pair of shoes from Zappos. They haven't arrived yet, but already I'm getting a barrage of shoe ads on FB. My mother resisted FB for years. (She has an account now but I don't think she uses it much.) She once told me "We don't have to worry about Big Brother covertly sneaking in to our lives--nowadays we invite him in."

10/5/13
Note to Universe: One of the most difficult tasks of leadership is choosing which decisions and directives should be made by vote, which should be made by committee, and which should be by an individual. In other words, democracy, republic or autocracy?

10/2/13
I'm in the middle of about four heated Facebook discussion threads and nobody has yet to bring up Hitler. Amazing.

10/1/13
Well I have yet again pissed away a day engaged in banal Facebook arguments.

I'm having a pleasant daydream that Obama shut down the Federal government only in congressional districts that are represented by Tea Party members.

9/30/13
The perfect Republican meal: carry-out Chick Fil-A, served with a side of Barilla Pasta, served on Hobby Lobby Neon Plastic Party Plates. Eat Hearty America.

9/25/13
Overheard today: Yeah, I did a lot of drugs in the 60s, but I never saw God. That's why I'm an atheist.

9/23/13
Great. Today I received an Email from Twitter asking "Do you know [name redacted of a deceased friend who died 7 months ago.]?" Do Twitter or FB accounts ever go away?

9/20/13
Okay, it took me years to get used to people writing "baited" when they meant "bated," and even longer when they wrote "woah" when they meant "whoa." But if you write "moar" instead of "more," I'm unfriending you. (Might be a relief to some :).)

9/19/13
Something I find interesting is that in an attempt to find more "authenticity" in their lives that people tune in court TV or "reality" television. Jerry Springer anyone?

9/11/13
I'm out of eggs and I'm out of chicken. Which should I buy first?

9/9/13

I have a headache and modern medicine is failing me. Could someone please kill a chicken?

9/7/13
You know what would be really cool? It would be cool, if, in a hundred years from now, we looked back and believed that thinking we could really solve our international problems with war, looked as ridiculous as thinking that we could solve our labor problems with slavery.

9/6/13
I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America. And to the Republic, for which it stands, one nation, under the Flying Spaghetti Monster, with liberty and justice for all. Ramen.

9/4/13 (referring to Burning Man)
Today when driving down 35th street in West Seattle I did a poll of people waiting for the bus. Eleven out of eighteen people were staring into their cell phones. Of the remaining seven only two were engaged in any direct human interaction. (A father was holding the hand of what I presumed was his young son while waiting for the bus.) This is why I hope they never make wi-fi and cell service easily accessible on the Playa. I don't want us to turn into smart phone zombies. Compared to real ones, electronic hugs suck. Keep it real. Burn on.

8/19/13
I need some advice. I need to test the integrity of my water containers that I plan to use at Burning Man next week and I’ve decided to apply pseudoscientific methodology in the analysis. At first I thought I’d just fill the containers to see if they leak—but then I decided to use highly-concentrated (10X) water to make sure that the containers can withstand the stress of the higher pressure. But then I changed my mind and thought I’d process the 10X water through a homeopathic regimen, which should bring it back to about 1X (or less)—that is, unless the molecular memory has weight (similar to the soul which, I'm told, weighs 21 grams) in which case I'll have to make adjustments. What puzzles me is whether homeopathic succussion actually adds weight to the water, or does it just alter its memory properties i.e. the conformation of the water molecules, and, thus, there is no additional mass. Anybody know?

8/16/13
On the value of a good copy editor: I guess it's all this thinking about skepticism that reminds me of a newspaper ad I saw a few years ago that advertised a baldness cure. The clinic offered "free consolation." After I recovered from laughing so hard that I was crying, I realized that they probably meant "free consultation," which made me laugh even harder. But, visualize this: "Awwww, poor baby, you're losing your hair? Lemme give you a hanky so you can feel better." I wonder if they ever corrected the ad.

8/9/13

Just now I saw my neighbor getting into her car with her dog. So was very excited to find someone who is going to pierce her dog's anal glands for only five dollars. "Do you know how much they charge for that at the vet!" she exclaimed. Where does someone find a practitioner of this service? Craigslist? Doganalrupture.com? (Sounds like some kind of awful bestiality porn site.) Anyhow, I now have a new career trajectory. My spin is that I will do house calls. (Note to self: This job will never be outsourced to the Chinese.) As she was driving away I yelled "HAVE FUN!" She rolled down her window and replied "Oh, I will." I explained to her that I was talking to the dog...Only in America!

8/7/13
People who write "probly" when they mean "probably," should be beaten with a stick. Those who write "prolly," should be forced to listen to Vogon poetry for eternity.

8/4/13
I don't understand the mind of a person who, when confronted with a serving tray full of brownies, doesn't pick out the largest one. What is wrong with these people?

7/25/13
Some older guy in Starbucks thanked me a few minutes ago for using a letter-sized yellowpad to sketch out some thoughts. He found it reassuring to see someone actually using paper.

7/24/13
I've been employed part-time as a tutor at a local Community College. Today a fellow tutor told me the following quote: Tutee: "I'm a kinesthetic learner" Tutor: "So, how are you going to solve your math problem? With interpretive dance?"

7/23/13
Just for the record, I refuse to date a woman who doesn't know the meaning of the word "curmudgeon." 'Nuff said.

7/11/13
Today at Alki Beach I saw somebody walk by with a very ornate water pipe that looked to be about two feet high. My, how the laws have changed.

About a month ago on Alki Beach, my cousin Michael Mick Fox and I saw a bird fly by carrying something big and dark. It was being dive-bombed by a seagull and a crow. After it passed us and started flying away it made a wide turn and started heading back--the seagull and crow in hot pursuit. It flew right by us and now I could identify it. It was a peregrine falcon--carrying a pigeon. It continued off into the distance with the crow cawing and the seagull screaming. How a relatively small bird like a peregrine could maintain that clip with such a heavy object in its talons amazes me. I am proud to say that I've seen osprey (numerous), great blue herons (a few)bald eagles, (occasionally), river otters (occasionally), sea lions and orcas (occasionally) and now a peregrine falcon--all within city limits. There is no place I'd rather be than Seattle in the summertime.

7/8/13
A couple days ago I was walking around Green Lake when someone passed me while engaged in conversation. His sentence started "Back in the day..." I didn't catch the rest. I think he was in his early 20s. For the record, you are not allowed to use the phrase "Back in the day" until you are at least forty. "Nuff said.

6/30/13
Rant mode on (third time in two weeks, yikes I'm turning crankier than H.L. Menken). I almost never eat at McDonald's. In fact, I rarely eat in restaurants at all anymore. I can cook and brown bag it and still be happy. It had been a very long time--until yesterday. For some reason I got it in my head that I might want to go back and try the Golden Arches after all these years. I had a powerful hankerin' for a burger and fries. I expected it to not be great, but I was in a hurry, and it's cheap right? I stopped at the Madison Street Micky D's in First Hill and ordered a deal package of a Big Mac, medium fries and a drink and stood there with a five dollar bill in my hand. The clerk cheerily rang it up and said $7.50 Wha?? Seven fifty? Really? Okay, I handed him a ten and grabbed the change. I thought that McD's was supposed to be cheap? After I ate it, which took maybe ten minutes, I remembered why I never go there anymore. It was awful. I mean, not even "meh." I know I'm one of these Neanderthal-types who thinks a nickel candy bar should still cast a nickel--when it actually costs a buck, but come'on! For the record, it should either be expensive or awful, but not both. I thought I deserved a "break" today--not to get broken. I can't figure it--they must be filling the corporate coffers, or enriching the stockholders, or pissing it all on ads telling me that their meals are all about "Value" or "Happy," or whatever, cause you can bet that the help ain't gettin' rich. Anyhow, I recommend local Seattleites go to the Pepperdock Cafe at Alki Beach. For about the same price you can get a REAL good cheeseburger, excellent fries with a few onion rings. Far superior to the crap I had yesterday. And the view at Alki is magnificent. Outside Seattle, go to Subway. It's gotta be better. I have to say that it astonishes me that there is at least four McD's in West Seattle alone. How do they stay in business? Now, you watch the FB bots and spies will probably ask if I want to "like" the McD FB page. Good luck with that. Rant mode off.

6/26/13
Just wanted to say that just because my name is SCOT, and although I support the decision, I had nothing to do with the SCOTUS victory. Felt a need to clear that up.

6/20/13
Rant mode on (again). File this under animals unclear on the concept. My cat, Alex, adopted me about ten years ago. He has always been an indoor/outdoor cat. He conveniently begs to get in through the door in the winter, but in the summer, I leave the window open so he can enter and leave at his convenience. This is convenient for him because he gets fed by nearly every every household in the neighborhood. (This cat has more chicks taking care of him than Hugh Heffner.) Anyhow, I have a new housemate who moved in with his cat and we were much relieved that our cats get along. (This has been a problem in the past when I had a housemate with a psycho-cat, but that's another story). So, my housemate's cat, Santos, has ALWAYS been strictly an indoor cat and Alex has been corrupting Santos--teaching him to go out. So here comes the "lack of clarity." I have TWICE caught Santos coming into the house, using the litter box, and promptly going back outside. Look dude, get a clue! Rant mode off. P.S. No, there will be no video.

6/19/13
Rant mode on. I keep hearing from people, usually when I'm leaving, the phrase "Have a good one." What exactly does that mean? A good day? A good cheeseburger? A good orgasm? (Check that--is there such a thing as a bad orgasm? I think not.) My usual response is "You have two good ones." This usually engenders a puzzled look and an occasional smile. The next woman who wishes me a "good" one, I'm going to leer at her and say "I wish you multiple good ones--and I'm here to help (evil grin)." I'll probably get slapped, but some things are worth getting slapped for. Rant mode off.

6/11/13
Please no spoilers because I haven't seen the current season, but the way that people are talking about the carnage on Game of Thrones it's starting to resemble Downton Abbey.

6/4/13
My biggest problem right now is choosing between all the wonderful activities in Seattle which all seem to be going on at the same time. Not a bad problem to have. Definitely a First World problem. Yay Seattle Summer!

6/3/13
Disney Star Wars spoiler alert: "Luke, I had my DNA tested, and I am NOT your father. Damn!"

5/21/13
Boy, I sure am glad the sun finally went away here in Seattle. It was out so many days in a row that, catch this, my skin was turning BROWN! Weird. I think they call that tanging, or tinning, or something like that. RUSTING! That must be it. Yeah, I'm sure of it. Oh well, back to normal.

5/20/13
I think, in addition to the FB "likes" they need a "dislikes" and a "don't give a damns."

I want everyone to know that I just saw a very convincing, astute, clever, political posting on Facebook that I completely agree with--and I have RESISTED the temptation to share it. You're welcome.

5/17/13
I was going to put something very clever on FB, but I forgot what it was. Darn!

5/5/13
Overheard yesterday: "That guy is so rich that when he writes a check the banks bounce."

5/3/13
Thousands, perhaps millions, of Seattlites are desperately trying to find the sunglasses that they misplaced at the end of summer last year--that is, late July.

5/1/13
The innernet has been fracking with me all day. Could someone PLEASE clean out the pipes?

4/30/13
I find it spooky when Facebook tells me that I have 20 or 30 mutual friends with someone, and I have no idea who he or she is. Are they stalking me or avoiding me?

4/5/13
I'm starting a new business. Since I go to the gym about six days a week, I have decided that I can exercise for YOU too! Just send me ten dollars an I'll be your personal trainer. And when I say "personal" I mean I'll actually do the exercise FOR YOU! You can sit home and nurse your remote control and eat pizza secure in the knowledge that someone is working out for you. Group rates available.

3/18/13
I propose the following drinking game. Take a pool on how many air-time minutes after an attractive woman appears on "Game of Thrones" before she appears naked--or at least topless. Whoever makes the best guess drinks two beers. Everyone else only one. Everyone wins!

3/16/13
Every frickin' day I feel a need to brush my teeth. Curse you mother for your childhood brainwashing.

2/28/13
Rant mode on. I'm sitting in Starbucks, minding my own business, and some woman has sat down near me wearing perfume. Now my eyes are watering, I'm coughing and gasping for breath. The problem is that I'm too "polite" to ask her to move. I feel like a wimp. Why should I have to move? I would rather that she lit up a cigarette, and, no, I'm not exaggerating. FOR THE RECORD: I WISH THE PERFUME INDUSTRY WOULD DIE! Ladies, if you want to attract my interest, don't wear perfume. And no, a little perfume is not okay. I hate a little perfume, a little, I hate a lot of perfume a lot. If you want to get my attention smear yourself with pizza grease. I mean it. Rant mode off.

2/10/13
If one more pundit uses the phrase "Enhanced Interrogation Techniques," I'm going to vomit. Let's call it what it is: The use of torture to extract information from a prisoner.

2/3/12
Life is full of ironies. This morning I was driving to my health club and as I was passing through the traffic jams of Sunday church-goers to the Mars Hill and the "Our Lady of Guadalupe" Churches in West Seattle, what came on the radio? The Rolling Stones "Sympathy For the Devil." Thank you Mick Jagger for guiding me through this perilous journey.

1/28/13
Okay, another rant (Guess I'm full of them today.) Can someone give me ONE GOOD REASON why horse meat should be illegal when cow meat or pig meat is not? Don't tell me that horses are smarter than pigs--because I doubt it.

I feel like venting, so here goes. EVERYONE I know is in favor of discrimination whether they admit it or not. For example, if I applied for a job as a jockey, I would be discriminated against for my weight (and age for that matter). The battle is not against discrimination per se, but against UNFAIR discrimination.

1/26/13
Gosh, over the past few days I've received Emails from Katy Perry, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen DeGeneres, and Madonna. It is SO NICE to be popular. I wonder why they were all in my spam box?

1/23/13
My definition of a skeptic is an open-minded person who believes evidence should precede belief.

1/14/13
I find it remarkable that, although I have only about 250 FB friends, four of them have a birthday today. Didn't all of you just have a birthday last year? Sheesh.

1/12/13
I'd be happy to be the Seahawks 12th man--as soon as they pay me as much as the 11th. Go advertisers! They always win.

1/1/13
Today's mini-play. (Inspired by true events.)

Biff: You think the malls are open today?
Bart: Sure they are. America runs on two types of fuel, fear and greed. Greed's
        kickin' in today for sure.
Bob: I like that. Fear and greed.
Biff: You believe that?
Bob: Well, I dunno if I believe it--but I like it.
Biff: Well, all my bills are paid and I ain't afraid of nobody. So, I don't give a shit.
Bart: Guess you're right. America runs on fear, greed and apathy.
Biff: Well, Bite me.
Bob: Happy New Year, guys.
Bart: Thanks.
Biff: Well, bite me again.
END PLAY

1/1/13
Well, now that the sun has finally arrived in Seattle, I notice that it's broken. Isn't it supposed to rise in the East? I think it's trying to circle around, avoiding us.

12/31/12
I resolve to abstain from eating okra this year. Too slimy. Unless it's pickled. I like pickled okra.

12/28/12
We've all heard the expression "There's a sucker born every minute." The longer I live the more I'm convinced that this is a ridiculously low estimate.

12/25/12
"I'm Dreaming of a Wet Christmas." by Bing Slogsby

12/24/12
Saw a billboard with a picture of a cat and a dog. The ad encouraged adoption with the tagline "Will never 'unfriend' you." Clearly, whoever came up with this campaign does not own a cat.

12/20/12
What's this stuff about a pack of lips? Am I going to be kissed by a bunch of beautiful women? How would that be the end of the world? Life is so confusing.

Now I get it. Ketchup is from tomato and catsup is from tomahto. No wonder they called the whole thing off.

12/19/12
Free sex for anyone who can make the sun come out in Seattle today! (Age, gender and--even species unimportant.)

10/29/12
The Republican Party has blamed Obama for the tropical storm Sandy. Romney is quoted as saying "If the President was better prepared this would never happen. There will be no storms during my administration." A spokesman for the Obama campaign declared that the storm is just a holdover from the Bush administration. "First Katrina, now this. We keep having to clean up after bankrupt Republican policies." Meanwhile Pat Robertson is quoted as saying "There is rampant homosexuality in both New Orleans AND New York City and God has taken notice. If people just turned to the Lord, these storms wouldn't happen."

10/25/12
A woman I know suggested that I read "Fifty Shades of Grey," because "every man should read this." Another woman I know says it's "crap." Now I have to read it. Am I risking derision and dubious looks if I read it in a coffee shop? Do I care? Nah! Full report later.

10/14/12
We used to write letters and journal entries. Then memos, emails and post-it notes. Then that became too long and we started facebooking, texting and now, we twitter. (I admit, I don't tweet and I'm not yet a twit. Sorry, twitterer has too many letters.) So, in deference to this trend, I am inventing a new ap--no, not an application and not an app--we really don't need that second p, do we? Anyhow, I propose the ap: twier. you can say whatever you want, no matter how profound, but you're limited to only three words.

10/7/12
I'm all in favor of therapy animals, and my cat needs one too. He wants a therapy mouse that can keep him entertained when he's feeling anxiety. Anyone know where I can get him one?

10/6/12
Well, usually I treat the plants in my yard with the "principal of natural selection," i.e. if they can't survive without my attention then they can just die. But the rhodies looked so forlorn and wilted that I decided to exercise a little "compassionate conservatism," and water them. Maybe they'll vote for me now and I can continue to live in my house.

9/27/12
It's always a good day when I write a good play.

9/16/12
Anybody beside me annoyed by the term "hate crime?" I mean, exactly what is a "love crime?" Aren't all violent crimes hate crimes?

9/14/12
Today I saw both an osprey and a great blue heron at Alki. I love Seattle.

7/30/12
Overheard in the gym yesterday: Wanna see who really loves you? Lock your dog and your wife in the trunk for a half hour. See who's happy to see you when you let them out.

7/16/12

I'm wondering, has anyone seen Romney's birth certificate? I suspect he was actually born in Kenya. Don't ask me how I know. Furthermore, I heard a rumor that his full name is Mitt Hussein Romney. Anyone believe as I do that he might not actually be a Mormon, but a Muslim? Anyone? Not that I'm trying to spread around rumors or anything, I just ask questions, that's all...

7/7/12
Used to be, like 25 years ago, that when I went hiking every part of me, except one, would get completely relaxed. Now when I go hiking every part of me gets stiff, except the same one. I'm not getting older, I'm getting asynchronous.

7/5/12
Is anyone besides me a little annoyed at the description of the newly discovered Higgs-Boson Particle as the "God" particle? Yeah, its discovery is awesome, but it has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with the hard working physicists that made it happen.

7/2/12
With all the celebrities coming out of the closet these days, I think it is time that I announced that I'm not gay. Sorry about that, but I can't help it, I was born straight. Some guys (and gals) have all the luck. Shit.

7/1/12
When I shaved my head people said, "Hey, you look good bald." Now that I've let it grow out again people say, "Hey you look good with hair." My conclusion: I look good, I can't help myself.

6/22/12
So why didn't they name the Apollo program to land on the Moon the "Luna" program? After all Apollo is the god of the Sun. Could have caused a tragic misdirection.

6/17/12
My definition of unhappiness is waking up in the morning, walking barefoot into my office and stepping on a dead rat that was gifted to me me by my kitty cat. On the plus side, it was a very considerate gift, and it was not still alive. Thanks Alex!

6/13/12
Imagine, a religion passionately devoted to finding truth, rather than inventing it.
Imagine, a church that seeks knowledge, rather than defending indefensible dogma.
Imagine, a country that promotes human progress, rather than vigorously defending
    the political dictums of the of the past.
We can only hope and dream. Sometimes your dreams come true.

6/13/12
Questions for today:
At the "Do it Yourself Dog Wash" do the dogs wash themselves?
If your wife or GF requests "something shiny" for her birthday is aluminum foil
        acceptable?
If a vegan couple has a baby is the child allowed to drink mother’s milk?
I've always wondered about these things.

6/3/12
One of the dangers of utilizing the internet as a recipe source is that today I very nearly tried to cook muffins at 180 degrees for 20 minutes. Something looked wrong, then I realized the recipe source is Australia where 180 degrees centigrade is 356 degrees Farenheit. Be careful out there people.

5/16/12
If a potential employer ever requests my Facebook password, I'm going to request that he share his first. After all, I want to be certain of the personal integrity of anyone I might want to work for--and I also want to be certain that he doesn't have any disreputable friends--or radical ideas. Who would want to work for someone who isn't entirely mainstream and squeaky clean? In fact, I just might request a film of his last sexual encounter. I wouldn't want to work for an employer who does anything "unusual" in the bedroom. Would you?

4/22/12
My yard is patient zero for neighborhood dandelion infection this spring. A weed by any other name.

I want to apologize to my mom for stealing so many Space Food Sticks from the cupboard when I was a kid. I feel deeply guilty.

Happy B'Earthday everyone!

4/15/12
Religion is like ice cream--so many different flavors! Some like vanilla, others like strawberry. Chocolate seems particularly favored, which doesn't make it inherently superior to butter pecan, only more popular.

4/6/12
Okay, here's my conundrum. I have a whiny cat who really, REALLY wants to go outside, and I would be happy to liberate him--I hate it when he uses the litter box almost as much as he hates using it. But, I need a fresh fecal sample to send away to test for GI tract parasites (No evidence, just precautionary). I already paid for the test and they gave me a jar to put it in. How do you explain to an animal that all he has to do is take a dump, and he will be free? How many human prisoners would be happy to comply with this small request in order to be sprung from the slammer? So, I have a request, I would like everyone to pray. PRAY RIGHT NOW that my cat poops and thus achieves feline liberation. I will let you know if it works. Thank you, Facebook Friends, for your cooperation.

3/23/12
Today I paid for about ten dollars worth of food with a twenty dollar bill. The cashier thought the bill was a hundred and tried to give 90 dollars in change. I told her of the mistake. It's not like I couldn't use the money. What kind of sick fuck am I? I need a beer.

3/14/12
In the great State of Washington, I don't have to pay sales tax on food, but not cat food! That I have to pay tax on. When I confronted my cat Alex with this he acted like he couldn't care less. Hmph! (Note: unless I open a can of tuna Alex acts like he never cares about anything.)

2/21/12
Seems that a lot of the right wingnuts feel that letting gay people have a right to marry somehow "redefines marriage." I'm tired of this argument. I capitulate. Perhaps gay marriage redefines marriage the same way that the abolition of slavery "redefined" human rights, and the same way that women's suffrage "redefined" voting rights. Is change always a bad thing?

2/20/12
If a corporation is a person, then a government is.....?

2/12/12
Maybe I'm just a curmudgeon, but I was eavesdropping on a couple of teenagers conversing the other day and if I was engaged in a drinking game based on the number of times they said the word "like," I would have died of alcoholic poisoning. "Like" is the new "ya-know."

2/5/12
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOO-, er, um ARE YOU READY FOR SOME ADVERTISING?!

1/12/12
I think the fear that people have of science stems from several sources 1) people fear change, 2) we fear what we don't understand, and 3) the very legitimate fear of the possible effects of our advanced technology on a background of less-developed moral advancement. What I mean by this is, for example, is the fact that we have the technology to make nuclear weapons but we may not have the wisdom to not use them. The myths of Prometheus, the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and Frankenstein resonate today.

12/25/11
I think it's pathetic when someone posts something and the poster is the only person who "likes" it.

12/24/11
TSKTSKS--supposedly the longest word in the English language with no vowels. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I dunno.

12/19/11
All right, Facebook. Is it Whoa or Woah? Cool or kewl? I wait with baited breath.

12/13/11
What kind of logic goes through a cat's mind, to stand inside a litter box and shit outside of it!

11/18/11
Today's original poem:
I am a Sea Turtle
    by Scot Bastian
Sea turtles don’t swim, they fly through the water with long, labored strokes.
Like the wing-beats of a great blue heron flying through the early morning fog.
Air soup.
The turtle may feel like he’s going in the direction of his choice, but he inevitably
    flows with the tide. Moving his head back-and-forth, scanning his path for         morsels or novelty.
Often, I feel like a sea turtle.

I wonder if I am the true motive-force in my life, or if I am just a drifter in the tide of events passing through time.
Moving.
Watching.
Waiting.

11/17/11
Purple Rainbow
    by Scot Bastian
I wish America could be purple again.
One side wraps itself in red white and blue, the other, in green.
In the palette of America, where we are white and brown and black and yellow and
    red, why should everything be so black-and white?
Blue states. Red states.
Tea Party. Occupiers.
Black power. White power. Gray panther. Power to the people.
Power—always power.
Myself, I wave a white flag. I surrender.
I can be green with envy and red with anger, blue with cold and yellow with fear. I
    can even be black with evil.
But in darkness do colors really matter?
And the future looks very dark.
We need a purple rainbow.

11/7/11
Today's poem (from yesteryear):
MARY
    by Scot Bastian
Mary had a little lamb.
The doctors were surprised.
Then Mary had a little cow.
That one hurt, and how.
Next, Mary had a little hippopotamus,
    though that seems preposterous.
Finally, Poor Mary had her fill,
    and she took a little pill.
The End

11/4/11
Poem for the day:
The Orange
    by Scot Bastian
Do not judge the quality of an orange by its appearance.
A perfect, unblemished, orange is often a waxed, thick-skinned, husk,
surrounding a tasteless, pulpy, fibrous, center.
Give me a fully-ripe orange with thin skin and an occasional blemish.
Peel away the outside and take a nibble.
Slowly, separate the segments, savoring each one.
The juice—so sweet!—might make your hands sticky and dribble down your chin.
So fragrant. So delectable.
Wholesome. Divine.
My advice: choose your fruit carefully—and live your life passionately.

11/1/11
The stars are so far away, but I can see them--Hopeful
I can see the stars, but they are so far away--Hopeless
The stars are the same. It all depends on how you look at them.

10/28/11

I have a fantasy that Barack Obama joins the Wall Street Occupiers and gets arrested.

10/27/11
Today I intend to Occupy West Seattle. Specifically, the Alki Starbucks. My demands: Free refills and internet service. No umbrella or tent necessary, but if you want to bring me food, I won't complain. Protesting makes me hungry and I like chocolate.

10/26/11
The definition of irony is using the internet to research Henry David Thoreau.

10/17/11
Oooh Wakka, Do Wakka Day!

10/3/11
I see lots of comments celebrating the release of Amanda Knox, but I'm fascinated by the fact that there are about 15,000 murders per year in the United States alone, almost none of which receive any media coverage. Yet this one singular injustice attracts worldwide media attention. Gee, Scot writes sarcastically, I wonder if it has anything to do with her looks? Doesn't it seem obvious that this is a media-driven circus? Gotta fill that news cycle with a lurid soap opera to up the ratings. Maybe they should just create a new reality show "Blondes in Trouble."

9/24/11
I saw a sea lion at Alki Beach today. Add this to my list of reasons why I love Seattle.

9/12/11
Got the second opossum out too. Now I'm never going to sleep.

I just finished chasing a young opossum all over my house. Little bastard. Finally got him outside. Believe it or not as I'm typing this I just saw another one run into my bedroom. Gonna be a long night.

5/13/11
Scot saw three bald eagles at Discovery Park today and is very proud that Seattle has bald eagles. Scot is also glowing in the memory of a spectacular free talk by Neil deGrasse Tyson last night at UW--this generation's Carl Sagan.

5/8/2011
I'm bummed by the fact that I read the Sunday Seattle Times today --and it only took about twenty minutes. What a waste of trees. Print journalism is dead--put a fork in it. (typed on my computer, obviously.)

4/20/11
I'm delighted that today in Seattle it is partly sunny rather than partly cloudy like it was yesterday.

4/17/11
Burning Man! This will be my seventh consecutive year. Go there before you die or you'll regret it for your entire afterlife! Well, you would if you had an afterlife, but I doubt it. So, go there in your nowlife!


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2 Comments

Do Ya Think Blogger Publishes a Paperback Book! "Do Ya Think? Science, Science Fiction, and Skepticism." A Collection of Short Plays and Monologues.

10/9/2013

1 Comment

 
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I am pleased to announce that my book "Do Ya Think? Science, Science Fiction, and Skepticism," which previously was only available as a Kindle E-Book,is now available as a paperback. The E-Book can still be purchased at this link, and the new paperback (with a different cover) is available here. If you want to get a flavor of the contents of the book, check this previous blog entry, which features a video of "Missing the Boat," one of the short plays included in the book.

1 Comment

Dem Spoons! The Burning Man Experience.

8/23/2013

2 Comments

 
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Well, we're closing in on the end of what has been a glorious Seattle Summer. I'm sad to see it end. There is no place I'd rather be in the summertime than Seattle. But, one good thing about Summer's end is the magnificent festival that is BURNING MAN! This year will be my eighth burn in nine years, and, boy-oh-boy, I can hardly wait. If you have been living in a cave, and have no idea what Burning Man is, I invite you to check out this magnificent collection of pictures from Trey Ratcliff. He really, I think, captured the essence of the event.
    About 60,000 of us will descend on the Tabula Rasa known as the Black Rock Desert and let our freak-flags fly, escaping the "default world" into this temporary utopia of fellowship and beauty, where commercialism is crass, money has no meaning, and where art and technology synergize and flourish in an explosion of creative bliss. Yes, it is that good. It is my annual revel in what I wish the world could be like, rather than what it is. I am so moved and inspired by the spirit of Burning Man that I have written an epic poem about the experience a few years ago. I invite you to read it here if you're curious.
    Burning Man certainly has no shortage of creativity and technology, but, unfortunately, there is also a huge amount of woo. (James Randi prefers to call it, "woo-woo," but I think one "woo" is enough) Yes, there are plenty of "Earth Spirits," "crystal power purveyors," "Tarot Card Readers," and other assorted silliness floating around the Playa. I vaguely recall some camp that was going to bury their menses under the light of the full-moon to bring about world peace. Ugh. A couple years ago I was part of a camp called the "Skeptical Bastards" which was the brainchild of Jon Garvin. My alter-ego Master Nashwan made an appearance, distributing "Used Bath Water," (It contains His "Spiritual Essence.") and Jon distributed Plecibix concentrated water (snicker) but the real hit of the camp was Dan Green who performed spirit animal divinations. A description of his act, and one of his cards featuring the blobfish, is posted on Dangblog. Other lucky folks discovered that their spirit animals amongst an assortment of interesting critters, including tapeworms, vampire bats, purple tubeworms, or, perhaps luckiest of all: the tongue-eating louse. Imagine your surprise, hoping that your spirit animal was a lion, wolf or coyote, when you discover that your true spirit animal IS:  (Insert drum-roll here.) the NAKED MOLE RAT! What fun. The expressions on the "seekers" faces was priceless.
    One of my fonder memories was stumbling on a presentation in Center Camp by a woman from San Francisco who specialized in spoon-bending using the power of your mind. I only saw the last part of her presentation. She seemed quite passionate about her craft. She, quite generously, handed out several dozen cheap metal spoons to the eager assemblage and instructed them to continuously rub the stem of the spoons vigorously while focusing on bending them using their psychic energy. I watched in wry amusement as the audience vigorously rubbed their spoons, some of them with their eyes closed, hoping for a psychic miracle. There actually was one talented magician in the audience who was able to manipulate his spoon through his fingers creating the illusion that it was being bent, straightened, and re-bent in a continuous motion. Well done! Meanwhile, the crowd was furiously rubbing their spoons as the spoon bending pro was working the audience to look for signs of progress. And, whattya know, some of the spoons were bent. Success! Some spoons were bent more than others because, of course, some folks have more psychic power than others. The speaker finished her presentation, telling the crowd that she was available in the default word for parties--presumably for a fee.
    Right after her presentation I approached her and we had a conversation something like the following:

Me: Pretty neat. Thank you for your presentation.
She: You're welcome.
Me: Say, have you ever heard of a famous spoon bender named Uri Geller?
She:  Of course! But, I'm not nearly as good as he is.

Me:  I have an idea. How would you like to make a half a million dollars?
(This seemed to get her attention.)
She: How?
Me:  You and I could approach the James Randi Educational Foundation and, if you can prove that you have psychic spoon-bending powers, we can split the prize. You game?
She:  Here, let me show you something.
(She then led me to a particularly enthusiastic knot of about five audience members still rubbing spoons while the crowd dissipated.)
She:  Let me show you how it's done.
(She then compared one of the test spoons with a "control" spoon that had not been rubbed. Sure enough, it was bent!)
Audience Members:  Ooooh, Ahhhhh.

(Well, something like that.)
She:  See?
Me:  Yes, I see.
She: You do believe in energy, right?
Me:  Well, yeah, the capacity to do work.
She:  It's the energy of the mind that bends the spoon.
(Meanwhile, the audience enthusiasts--and me too--continued to rub our spoons. She went on to explain that people who have particularly powerful ability can bend, not only the stem of the spoon, but the cup of the spoon too.)
Audience members: Woah!

(No, not Whoa, not Woe, but Woah! She then showed us a picture of a bent spoon, that had the cup of the spoon bent a considerable distance.)
Me:  So, what about the half a million bucks? I think we both might enjoy that kind of extra cash.
(Meanwhile, I was watching one particularly enthusiastic spoon-rubber, not only continuing to rub the spoon stem with her thumb and index finger, but furtively pushing the cup of the spoon on her stomach.)
She: You know the problem with  having a skeptic around for a test is that the "skeptical" energy pushes all the "psychic" energy out of the room.
Me: Ah, I see. I guess we're not going to split our million then, huh?
She: No.
Me: Hey! Look! I think the cup of her spoon is actually bending!
She:  Let's see. (carefully examining the spoon.)  I do believe you're right!

(They were cheap spoons.)
Audience Enthusiast: That's  fantastic!  I CAN CONTROL MY OWN REALITY!
Me:  Yes you can, can't you?  You can control your own reality.

    I really enjoyed Burning Man that year, and every other year, and I now have an extra spoon as a souvenir in my cutlery drawer at home.
    I'll be back in ten days, and I'll be sure to have a report on the Do Ya Think? Blog when I return.  


Meanwhile, enjoy some lovely spirit animals, the tapeworm, the vampire bat (My spirit animal.), and the tongue-eating louse.  And....
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...how 'bout a "Spoonful," from Howlin' Wolf?
2 Comments

"Missing the Boat" Whither the Unicorns and Brontosauruses? A Parable of the Noah's Ark Tale.

7/22/2013

0 Comments

 
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This is a  videotaped stage performance of a play that I wrote a few years ago that is now available online. The play was directed and costumed by Ellen Covey and she recruited a stellar cast. Rose Kinne as Ani, Jeff Nelson as Uni, (who are featured in the still photograph by Carl Nelson.) and John Paul Sharp as Barnie and Tom Brophy as Bennie. The videographer and editor was Rita Andreeva. I love this play. It was very popular when performed a couple years ago in Seattle as part of a showcase of Halloween-themed plays entitled Products of a WARPed Imagination by Writers and Actors Reading and Performing (WARP). It was also performed again at a Seattle Skeptics Meeting a few months ago, with the same unicorns and different brontosauruses. This play is available as part of a collection of short plays and monologues that I wrote called Do Ya Think? Science, Science Fiction, and Skepticism as a Amazon Kindle E-Book (It is formatted to be read on a Kindle, Kindle Fire, IPod, IPad or Galaxy readers.) at the, I think, ridiculously reasonable price of $2.99 at this link. Enjoy!  Performance rights are also available--just send me an email and I'll get in touch.

Here is the complete text of the play, although there may be minor differences between the staged version and the text. 

MISSING THE BOAT
      By Scot Bastian (c) 2012
        Noah's Farce?
            A One-Act Play         


CAST OF CHARACTERS
UNI:   Male unicorn, married to ANI. Any age.
ANI:   Female unicorn, married to UNI. Any age.
BARNIE:   Male Brontosaurus. Any age.
BENNIE:   Male Brontosaurus. Any age.

SCENE
A shoreline on the edge of the Island of Atlantis.


TIME
Long ago.

UNI:   Okay, we’ve reached the ocean. What now?
ANI:   I don’t know. I guess we wait.
UNI:   Wait for what?
ANI:   I don’t know.
UNI:   Well, that’s two “I don’t knows.”  Let me add an “I don’t know, either.” And
       let me add a little “What the fuck” on the side and how ‘bout
       this addendum: “Standing around with our heads up our asses.” That mean        anything to ya?
ANI:   We’ll think of something.
UNI:   And I might throw in that having your head up your ass when you’re a unicorn
       is not very comfortable.
ANI:   Stop it!  You’re supposed to be a marvelous, magical, mystical creature
          beloved by children and the young-at-heart everywhere. Act like it.
UNI:   Well right now all I feel like is a horse’s ass.
ANI:   Well, as a matter of fact--
UNI:   —Don’t say it!
ANI:   You know, your ranting and raving is getting us exactly nowhere. Why don’t
       you try thinking instead of whining?
UNI:   I can whine if I damn well please. It wasn’t my stupid idea.
ANI:   Can I help it if Atlantis is an island?  Now shut up if you’re not going to think,
       so that I can.
UNI:   Why I ever married you I’ll never know.
ANI:   You married me because you love me…asshole.
UNI:   I love it when you talk dirty to me.
ANI:   Look, stud, we better come up with a solution, cause it’s damn hard to mount
       in twenty feet of water. Now think!
UNI:   Okay. But before I start burning brain cells, explain to me again why we gotta
       go to this place.
ANI:   I already told you twice.
UNI:   Well, tell me a third time. I didn’t believe you the first two—try again, maybe
       my last shred of rationality will surrender and I’ll finally buy into your crazy        story.
ANI:   How are we going to make any progress if you continue to doubt my sanity? 
      Have I ever led you astray?
UNI:   Well…no. I’ll make you a deal. You explain this vision to me one more time,
       and I promise not to think you’ve eaten loco weed. Maybe if we analyze it a        little more closely we’ll find a way out of this predicament. Make sense?
ANI:   Okay. I don’t have any better ideas, so we might as well.
UNI:   Finally, we agree on something.
ANI:   Okay. There’s this guy named Noah--
UNI:   —What a stupid name. What’s his last name, Count?
ANI:   “No account.” Very funny. No, I don’t think he has a last name.
UNI:   Why not?
ANI:   I don’t know. Maybe he’s got a last name, but I don’t know what it is.
UNI:   Okay, this Noah-guy—he’s the one who’s gonna make it rain. Right?
ANI:   No!  You really don’t listen to me, do you?  God is going to make it rain.
UNI:   God, huh?  He’s going to do a rain dance?  This is nuts.
ANI:   No. He’s just going to command the rain to start.
UNI:   Clever fellow. I suppose that this God-guy doesn’t have a last name either.
ANI:   Nope. Not that I know about.
UNI:   So what’s God got to do with Noah?
ANI:   God is the one who talks to Noah. Says he’s gonna rain down on
                      his Jewish ass.
UNI:  What is he, a Mafioso or something?
ANI:   I don’t know.
UNI:   Quit saying “I don’t know,” damn it!
ANI:   Well, I don’t know. Maybe he is in the mafia, but I get the idea that he’s sorta
       the don of all dons, kingpin of all kingpins. The big cheese in the sky.
UNI:   So what’s he so pissed off at this Noah-dude about?
ANI:   No, you don’t get it. God seems to like Noah, and he’s warnin’ him about the
       upcoming shit.
UNI:   Uh—hunh. So, what’d he tell ‘im?  Get outta town?
ANI:   Nope. No place to go.
UNI:   Whattya mean?
ANI:   This God-guy is so honked off, that he’s gonna drown the whole world like
      rats in a barrel.
UNI:   Uh-hunh. Are you sure some funny mold didn’t get in your oats? 
ANI:   I don’t—as you darn-well know—eat oats. And I’m a little tired of you implying
      that I’m a horse.
UNI:   You’re the one who implied that I got a horse’s ass.
ANI:   Well, quit acting like one.
UNI:   All right. Let’s take it on face value that this God-dude told this Noah-dude
       that the world is toast--
ANI:   —He said that a massive flood is coming--
UNI:   —Okay, soggy toast!  But if there ain’t no place to go, what’s he supposed to               do about it, climb a tree?
ANI:   God told him to build an ark. It’s like a big boat.
UNI:   A boat?  That’s one Hell of a thunderstorm. Why not just buy a boat?
ANI:   No, this is a really big boat. Hundreds of cubits long.
UNI:   Cubits?  What the heck is a cubit?
ANI:   How should I know?  But it sounds big.
UNI:   So, he’s gonna float out this soggy catastrophe.
ANI:   Yeah, him and his family.
UNI:   Oh, how sweet. Dad, mom and the three midgets.
ANI:   Quit being sarcastic!
UNI:   So what does this have to do with us?
ANI:   Well—you’re not gonna like this--
UNI:   —Lay it on me.
ANI:   God told him that he’s gotta collect two of every animal, male and female, so
       the world can start over.
UNI:   Loco weed. It’s gotta be loco weed.
ANI:   Now you stop that!  You promised!
UNI:   This God-dude apparently never heard of inbreeding. Then what’s gonna
           happen?
ANI:   After he collects them—the rain starts and then the flood and then they just
      float it out.
UNI:   Why doesn’t this Noah-dude just high-tail it for the hills until things chill out?
ANI:   You keep missing the point—God is drownin’ out everything. I mean
               everything!  The forest, the jungles, the desert and the mountains. No place        to go.
UNI:   That's a lot of water. How long is it going to rain, for cryin’ out loud?
ANI:   Forty days and forty nights.
UNI:   Big frickin’ deal. It will rain that much in Seattle every winter when it gets
           built.
ANI:   Anyhow, that’s the vision. Forty days and forty nights. Must be some kick-ass
      rainstorm.
UNI:   Got that right. So, one thing I don’t get, how are the penguins, polar bears
       and kangaroos gonna get on this boat?
ANI:   I don’t know. Maybe they’re gonna swim, or take a little boat, or something.
UNI:   And we ain’t got a boat.
ANI:   Nope.
UNI:   So, how’s this Noah gonna feed all these animals?  Do you know how much
           elephants eat?  Not to mention zebras, rhinos, tyrannosauruses, allosaurases        and hippos.
ANI:   Maybe they’ll just not eat for  month.
UNI:   Well, good luck keeping the mice and the antelopes on the same boat with
           the snakes and the lions. I, to put it mildly, predict problems.

(Enter BENNIE and BARNIE, paddling a raft.)

ANI:   Hey look!  A couple of brontosauruses on a raft! 
UNI:   Maybe they’ll give us a ride. Hey dudes!  Ya got room for a couple of
              passengers?!
BENNIE:   No. Buzz off!
BARNIE:   Oh Benny, don’t be that way. Be civil. They might be nice unicorns.
BENNIE:    Where are we going to put them?  We don’t have the room.
BARNIE:   Oh, there’s always room for one more.
BENNIE:   There’s two of them.
BARNIE:   We fit the kangaroos didn’t we?
BENNIE:   Little bastards wouldn’t quit hopping all over the raft. Pain in the ass.                         Unicorns are too big, won’t fit anyway.
BARNIE:   Yoo-hoo, unicorns. Where are you going?
BENNIE:   You’re irrepressible, aren’t you?
ANI:   We’re going to the Middle East. Can you give us a ride?
BARNIE:   Middle East?  Where’s that?
UNI:   It’s between the near-east and the far-east. Where do you think?
BENNY:   Smart ass. We ain’t giving no ride to smart-ass unicorns.
BARNIE:   A little tolerance, please, Benny.
ANI:   We’re looking for a guy named Noah.
BARNIE:   Well, what a remarkable coincidence. We just met a guy named Noah.                         Didn’t go well, though.
UNI:   I’ll be darned. He does exist!
ANI:   Of course he does. Why didn’t it go well?
BENNY:   Did you see the weather prediction?  Rain. Gloom. Misery as far as the eye                  can see.

ANI:   We’re unicorns. We know all about the future. What’s the deal with Noah?
BARNIE:   This Noah built a big boat.
BENNY:   Calls it an ark, for some stupid reason.
BARNIE:   Sort of a big ferry-thing.
UNI:   Yeah. Yeah. We know. Can you give a ride to the launch site?
BENNY:   We’re going the other way. We don’t ever want to see Noah again.
ANI:   What happened?  He didn’t have room for you?
BENNY:   He had plenty of room, the rat-bastard.
UNI:   So what was the problem?

BENNY:   He just crossed his arms, glared at us, and said:  No faggots.
BARNIE:   Can you believe it?  I did my best to reason with him. I tried to explain to                     him that all dinosaurs go through a homosexual phase. He wouldn’t buy it.                   He said some guy named God told him:  No gays. Not even bisexuals.
BENNIE:   There’s just no reasoning with some people. 

ANI:   He must be what’s going to be known as a Republican.
UNI:   Oh Ani, Not all Republicans will be bigots.
ANI:   Well, it seems like it.
BARNIE:   What’s a Republican?
ANI:   They’re a bunch of guys in the future that are going to start wars over what                 remains of your dead bodies.
BENNIE:   Insane unicorns. Great. I hate my life.
UNI:   Maybe this needs a little explanation. Unicorns have the ability to see the                   future.
BARNIE:   Really! Oh, that’s really cool!
ANI:   We can both do it, but it’s more developed in female unicorns than males. It               seems that female intuition synergizes with our ability to see visions.
UNI:   And, believe me, they never let us forget their superior vision.
BENNIE:   I know how you feel. I suffer too.
ANI:   That’s what these horns are for. See how they’re pointed up and out.
UNI:   They’re like antennae pointed into the future.
BARNIE:   Wow, what an amazing gift!  I wish I could see the future.

BENNIE:   The present is challenging enough, thank you.
ANI:   Sometimes the reception ain’t so great though.
UNI:   Lots of static. Lots of interference.
ANI:   But sometimes it’s as clear as can be.
UNI:   Remember Ari?  He damaged his horn and all he could see in the future was                 world peace, the end of poverty and disease and, believe it or not, zero-                   calorie chocolate that actually tasted good.

ANI:   Yeah. It was a shame. Talk about a warped vision. Totally delusional. Poor guy.           Remember Ori?  Lost his horn in an accident. Lost all his vision. His mind went             out the window and he reverted to the most base behavior.
UNI:   Eating oats.
ANI:   Whinnying like a horse.
UNI:   Completely lost it.
BARNIE:   That’s terrible.

ANI:   So Noah would absolutely not listen to reason?
BENNIE:   After Barnie explained it to him, catch this, he banned all dinosaurs—not                     just us—everybody!

BARNIE:   He had to explain it to the stegosauruses three times—they’re kinda slow,                   you know.
BENNIE:   What do you expect, with a brain the size of a walnut?
BARNIE:   One of the T-Rex’s threatened to EAT Noah! It still didn’t work.
ANI:   Boy, that God-dude is a real hard-ass.
BARNIE:   Yep. He really laid down the law.
UNI:   What are you going to do now?

BARNIE:   We’re going to paddle home. What else can we do?
BENNIE:   So what do you see in our future?  Bleak, I’ll bet.
UNI:   I don’t see a thing.
ANI:   I’m not sure. Kind of confusing. All I see is a shooting star, a big meteor and a             lot of little furry creatures eating eggs.
BENNIE:   What’s that supposed to mean?

ANI:   I don’t know.
BENNIE:   Well, we better get running along. Or, I guess, paddling along. If you do                       get to Noah, tell the bigot to kiss my tail. This the worst trip ever.
BARNIE:   At least we met some nice unicorns. Good luck you two!
BENNIE:   I hate life.
BARNIE:   And the scenery on the way was beautiful.
BENNIE:   I sure hope this raft doesn't sink.
BARNIE:   It won’t sink.
BENNIE:   Are we running low on food and water?
BARNIE:   We have plenty. Quit being so grouchy.
BENNIE:   I have a bad feeling about this.
BARNIE:   You always have a bad feeling about everything.
BENNIE:   Today it is particularly acute. I’m so miserable, I feel like I could crawl into                  a tar pit and die.
BARNIE:   I’m never going on a vacation with you again. You’re just too miserable                      when you travel.
ANI:   And good luck to you too!
BARNIE:   Thanks!  Bye!

(BENNIE and BARNIE exit)

UNI:   Well, there they go. What do we do now?
ANI:   Maybe another boat will come along going the other way.
UNI:   Fat chance.
ANI:   Quit being negative. You remind me of that cranky brontosaurus.
UNI:   I’m not negative. I’m realistic.
ANI:   Pessimists always say they’re just being “realistic.” I bet you don’t think I’m               crazy anymore.

UNI:   No, I don’t. You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just frustrated. That’s all and I’m                   getting a little tired of you always correcting me.
ANI:   Well, I wouldn’t have to if you weren’t wrong so often. If it wasn’t for me we             wouldn’t have even started this trip. You’d be sitting in a field, chewing your             cud, waiting for the flood to come.
UNI:   Oh, so now we’re resorting to personal insults.
(It begins to rain.)
ANI:   And I am sick and tired of going over the same story over and over and over                again. You never listen to me anyhow. You’re as stupid as Ori.
(It rains a little harder.)
UNI:   Now you’ve gone completely off your feed, you old nag!
ANI:   Who are you calling an old nag, you, you, STUD!  And another thing--
(A thunderbolt claps. Both go silent.)
UNI:   I don’t like the look of this.
ANI:   Doesn't look good—does it?

UNI:   Yep…This is not a little thundershower is it?
(A large thunderclap strikes.)
UNI:   I love you Ani.
ANI:   I know you do.
UNI:   That’s not the response I’m supposed to get.
ANI:   Raining pretty hard, huh?
UNI:   Any more ideas?

ANI:   Nope…I love you too, Uni
UNI:   I know you do.
(The stage goes dark. A very bright flash of lightning is followed by very loud thunder.)
ANI:   Shit.
UNI:   Yeah, shit.
END PLAY
Here is a link to the book.  Below is the cover.
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The Value of the Fool. A Compendium of Rational Knee-Slappers

7/7/2013

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Everyone loves comedy. Comedy is serious. The Fool is the one who speaks truth to power. In Tarot Cards the Fool, or the Joker, is designated with a zero. From the description of the Fool Tarot Card in Wikipedia, "The Fool is the spirit in search of experience. He represents the mystical cleverness bereft of reason within us, the childlike ability to tune into the inner workings of the world. The sun shining behind him represents the divine nature of the Fool's wisdom and exuberance, holy madness or 'crazy wisdom'." I'm not sure Fools are "bereft" of reason, but I certainly go along with "crazy wisdom." The use of the Fool by Shakespeare in King Lear has been examined by may scholars.  In this paper "[The Fool] acts as Lear's conscience and trusted guide, yet he is also a critic of Lear, a truth teller. In effect this makes a true friend, however some believe it was the Fool's constant remarks that drove Lear to madness."  But later "The Fool increasingly to be his voice of reason or his conscience, because he reminds Lear of all his mistakes and manipulates his feelings into realising them." Ah, yes, the "voice of reason."  
     I love Fools. We are lucky to have so many Rational Fools and this wonderful tool, the Internet, so that we can spread foolish wisdom all over the world.  Below is a collection of some of my favorite Rational Fools.   

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In Praise of Pregnancy. Gravid Gravitas. 

6/24/2013

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Yesterday, coincidentally, I saw three different women in Starbucks in an advanced state of pregnancy. All three had a bearing which was a little hard to describe. But I'll try. Let me meander for a while as I dissect my thoughts and feelings.
    Every time I see a late pregnancy I get an odd, and somewhat embarrassing, compulsion. A feeling that the "baloon" must be popped. My guess is that the women might feel the same way.
    What is a pregnancy? On a certain level, it is a tumor. A cancer. Something is growing inside. I suppose one could describe it as "benign," but it certainly is fast-growing and aggressive. In a sense, the embryo "steals" from it's host. In fact, if the fetus and mom are immunologically incompatible, having different Rh factors, it can lead to a tragic attack on the developing embryo by the mother's immune system. Fortunately, with the advent of modern medicine, this is well understood and can be treated.   Like any tumor, it needs to be vascularized before it can grow. Early in pregnancy the embryo, exudes chorionic gonadotropin, which causes a the lining of the uterus to produce a thick bed of blood vessels, which supplies sustenance to the growing fetus. In this sense the baby is, perhaps less a tumor, and more like a parasite--stealing from its host: Mom.
    But, I prefer to think of this sustenance as a gift, rather than theft. Baby needs. Mom gives. Baby feeds.
    Think for a moment about this miracle of development. Every one of us started as one cell--the fusion of a sperm with an egg into what us geeky, terminology-addicted, science-types call a "zygote." From this single large cell a program is initiated to divide, and divide again and continue dividing millions of times. All of the different types of cells, bone, blood, brain, muscle, lung, pancreas, and so on, are derived from this single, undifferentiated cell, the zygote.
    I like to think of embryonic development, not as growth and unfolding, but as a dance. The cells go through many costume changes and careful repositioning, each obeying inner instincts dictated by DNA, and and then they find their proper places on the stage. This "show" is so well rehearsed in our genetic memory that it usually results in a picture-perfect performance with a glorious ending.
    I remember again the tired-looking moms, waiting for their drinks at the coffee bar. One thing I noticed--I'm sure I've noticed it before, I just never really thought about it--was that a very distended tummy makes a great shelf for resting one's arms. Fingers entwined, the arms can form a bridge over baby. Perhaps, mom imagines an archway over the stage that highlights the theater within. Another thing I noted is that all three women looked ...tired. But it was an odd sort of tired. It was that relaxed, contented look of an artist nearing the end of creation.
    An acquaintance of mine thought that it would be desirable if men could share in a pregnancy.  It seems only fair, after all, that both genders should bear the burden. Of course, right now this is only science fiction, but I'm not sure it would be a good thing. Would the Earth, that nourishes us be called a Mother if Mom and Dad took turns in gestation? Would sailors call the ships that provide shelter call their boats Her? It seems to me that this difference in parental duties enriches us, helping us to savor and rejoice in our divergent roles.  
    But I'm still at a loss.  Where have I seen this look before? It looks so familiar, so iconic. So enigmatic and ethereal. Then I remember. It is that same look that I have seen in many Madonnas, and, it seems to me, fully-realized in Da Vinci's Mona Lisa.
    That's it.
    How often have I seen the expression on the Mona Lisa described as "enigmatic?" A puzzle. Slightly tired, but hopeful. That is the look that I saw in the faces of these beautiful, beautiful women. They are pregnant with hope. They are, in every sense of the word, expecting.

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A Tragedy in the Forest--a Very Short Story

6/3/2013

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The snowy owl blinks. Sitting on her perch in the cold Canadian forest, she refuses to shiver lest she reveal her presence.  Listening. Waiting for a flicker of movement. The snow surface shows a slight tremor, betraying the presence of a burrowing rodent. First the owl hears it, then she sees it. Launching silently from her roost, spreading her wings into a labored flap, and a final soar. Gliding. Focusing. Talons extended, she crashes through the surface of the snow, hoping to grasp the warm vole in her claws...But not this time. The mammal shrieks and dives into the tangle of undergrowth. A victory for the vole, a tragedy of uncompensated energy for the owl. The vole will survive the night, but the owl will be hungry, and so will her children. At least for now.  

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Exciting News!  Do Ya Think Blogger Receives His First Personal Attack!  

5/3/2013

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About a month ago I recognized Dr. Stephen Barrett as the Do Ya Think Blog's "Rational Hero of the Week" for his fantastic work with the Quackwatch organization.  Quackwatch is a wonderful website that describes itself as "Your guide to quackery, health fraud and intelligent decisions."   
    Someone who self-identifies as Lindsey T. Nugent posted the following response to my blog entry:
    "Judging by your Quackwatch post, you don't have a   clue about either allopathic or alternative medicine. Let's start with something simple: diet. Convince me that you don't currently have the same diet as you did in college: pizza and beer."
I am honored Lindsey, that you have taken time out of what I imagine is your very busy day to deliver this personal comment. A wonderful example of of an ad hominem argument, with a possible tinge of the straw man fallacy. For those who don't know, an ad hominem is an attack of an opponent's motives or character rather than the policy or position they maintain. This attack, probably motivated by pictures of me on my website that shows my considerable girth, is, of course, completely irrelevant to the fine work of Dr. Barrett. I say a "possible tinge" of straw man fallacy, which is a misrepresentation of an opponent's position--well, perhaps it's a bit of a stretch to call this a "straw man,"--but is it possible that Mr. (or Ms.?) Nugent is trying to cast aspersions on Dr. Barrett by implying that an admirer might not know what he's talking about?
    I submit that even if I smoked cigarettes by the carton, guzzled fifths of cheap liquor, was completely sedentary, stuffed cocaine up my nose daily, and was a meth addict, that my personal health habits would be completely irrelevant. Furthermore, my supposed cluelessness about allopathic and (ahem) "alternative" medicine is also a red herring. Now, I suppose, I could wave around my credentials, but that would be another logical fallacy known as "argument from authority," so, I'll restrain myself.
    But I'm not posting this for that reason. You Lindsey T. Nugent are the FIRST to attack this blogger. The Do Ya Think Blog, which is still in it's infancy, is only about three months old and receiving only about 50 to 150 daily hits (and growing! Thanks fans!). Alas, now I'm not a blog virgin anymore. I can't promise that other trolls will be so-recognized. But, you  Lindsey are the first--and will always be so. Congratulations and I thank you.  



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"All the World's a Stage" So Sayeth the Birdbrains of Paradise.

4/30/2013

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The good folks at Cornell lab of  Ornithology in conjunction with National Geographic have been making some fabulous videos. From their website: "It took 8 years and 18 expeditions to New Guinea, Australia, and nearby islands, but Cornell Lab scientist Ed Scholes and National Geographic photographer Tim Laman succeeded in capturing images of all 39 species in the bird-of-paradise family for the first time ever. This video gives a sense of their monumental undertaking and the spectacular footage that resulted." There is much of interest, including some nifty videos, about these fabulous birds. Below is a favorite.

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    Scot Bastian Ph.D. is a scientist and artist who lives in Seattle WA.

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