Scot Bastian Ph.D.
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Sports, eh? Why bother? The Olympic Games Meet Darwin's Finches.

7/20/2014

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Soccer is not important. Football is not important. Neither basketball nor hockey are important. Yes, some are thinking, I am that clueless, or arrogant,or whatever. (Now there's some fine writin' for ya, I'm "whatever.") But, DYT Blog reader, before you categorize me as hopelessly out-of-touch, let me say this: tribalism, now THAT is important. Yes, I both get it, and I don't get it, and no, I'm not a normal guy. Professional sport is the true opiate of the masses. I have been to a few folks houses to see major sporting events, like the Superbowl, but the main reason I go is because I like people, not the sporting event. Personally, I root for the advertisers--they always win.
    Buuuut, I do remember watching a sports event many years ago that I really enjoyed. It was an Olympic competition in women's volleyball. One team was the Soviet Union (Yeah, it was that long ago). They were astonishingly tall, amazonian, women. Any one of them could have been a model. They had legs that were up to my ear. The embodiment of statuesque. Greek goddesses, every one. On the other side was the South Korean team. It seemed the Korean women were the polar opposites of the Soviets. Snarly, short, squat, and fiercely determined. They could have bit me in thigh without bending over. I fell in love again (Forgive the hyperbole, but everything seems magnified by the kaleidoscope of time and memory.) This match would seem to have all the signs of an imminent slaughter. It wasn't. For every towering spike smashed by the Soviet team there was a headlong dive by one of the Koreans, who defiantly, and deftly, dug out the ball and saved it from the floor. It looked like David might actually have a chance against Goliath. The Koreans were everywhere! They had ten hands each! They dove! They sacrificed! They would NOT let the ball hit the floor! The Soviet Amazons redoubled their efforts, jumping higher, smashing harder and harder, trying desperately to break the resolve of the Korean team. The contest was brutal but the Soviet Union team won. Someone had to win. But, there were no losers here.
    The whole contest reminds me of Darwin. What? Where did that come from? Charles Darwin in his youth took a long voyage of discovery on the HMS Beagle. His experiences on this trip, particularly when visiting the Galapagos Islands, formed the basis for his development of the theory of evolution by natural selection. What does this have to do with women's volleyball? Everything. Darwin took several samples of what came to be known as Darwin's Finches. The Galapagos Islands are composed of several islands and atolls. Darwin collected many specimens on this voyage, including 14 different species of finches, 12 of which proved to be new to science. When Darwin returned to England, with the help of the ornithologist John Gould, who was sort of the John Audubon of Europe, it was noted that there were obvious differences in beak shape from island to island corresponding with what food the different species ate. Below is a chart illustrating this.

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Note that all of the different species are believed to evolve from one ancestral form. This is a fine example of evolutionary adaptive radiation. Researchers continue to study these fascinating birds. A book entitled The Beak of the Finch by Jonathan Weiner, published 20 years ago documents continuing changes in Darwin's Finches, by an evolutionary process called punctuated equilibrium, which was championed by Stephen Jay Gould. Basically, punctuated equilibrium demonstrates that evolution can progress in rapid bursts over short periods of time, rather than the more gradual incremental process that Darwin envisioned.
  What does this have to do with women's volleyball? Everything. Although, it would be incorrect to say that the South Korean and Soviet women are different species, it does demonstrate how variant forms can lead to success (although it's a bit of a stretch to compare volleyball success with reproductive success.). So, when did this contest of volleyball stars happen? Well, after a little searching, I discovered that it took place in 1976, and actually, The South Korean ended with a bronze medal and the Soviet team earned a silver medal, losing to the Japanese team who took the gold. That escaped my memory.
    So, in summary, I have found a new way to enjoy sports, I'll just try to think about it as a metaphor for evolution. Well, that and the fact that the women were absolutely stunning. Hmm, maybe this could lead to reproductive success--and maybe I'm not such an abnormal guy after all.
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Breaking Bad Puns

7/9/2014

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TV Pilot for the Hallmark Channel: A drug lord swears off his criminal past to volunteer to teach inner-city disadvantaged kids how to read. The name of the the show? "Breaking Good." (Sorry, had to type it.)

TV pilot for the Cooking Channel: Mild-mannered high school teacher quits his job to "cook" highly-addictive GMO-laden, gluten-containing bread. Second season preview: Dave's Killer Bread muscles in on his territory, leading to an ever-increasing spiral of violence The problem is GMO foods and gluten are found to be harmless. Nobody dies. Canceled after first season due to the absence of drama. The name of the show? "Baking Bad." (You may unfriend me now.)

TV pilot for Animal Planet: A disgruntled dog leaves obedience school and teams up with an unlikely partner, a streetwise punk known as Hepcat to extract and sell 99% pure catnip crystal, noted for its slightly green tinge. The cat population becomes so addicted they entirely stop making videos, thus threatening to bring the Internet to a screeching halt. A pack of rival dogs moves in on the action. Hepcat, hopelessly addicted to crystal catnip, is no help in repelling the turf invasion, forcing Head Dog to take matters into his own paws. After several fruitless days of marking territory Head Dog contracts rabies followed by a maniacal slaughter of the invading pack. Alas, Head Dog, foaming at the mouth, expires due to a combination of inflicted wounds and disease. Hepcat disappears into the night, nowhere to be found. The name of the show: "Barking Bad." (Are you still there?)

TV pilot for Arts and Entertainment: Mild-mannered high school chemistry teacher quits to become a rogue poet and playwright, feeding the masses what they really crave: addictive quality entertainment. Alas and alack, much to his surprise, his sonnets and plays (all in diabolically tempting iamabic pentameter) prove to be irresistible to intellectuals everywhere, threatening to crater the entirety of academia. The rogue, shadowy, figure, known by the street pseudonym Heisenspeare, now in full control of the public mind, segues into the truly addictive and banal reprogramming: Pawn Stars. Duck Dynasty, Bigfoot Hunters, The Long Island Medium, The Dr Oz Show. Millions are transfixed, and drift into brainwashed catatonia. PBS attempts to mount a counteroffensive, but lacking in funds, all they can do to repel the attack is broadcast thinly-disguised infomercials, Yanni concerts, and "Lords of the Dance" reruns. Several Downton Abbey actors resign in protest and have to be "eliminated." Heisenspeare, now a media kingpin, feeling the walls closing in, screams "My kingdom for a horse!" and "To be, or not to be!" It ends with Heisenspeare, killing himself with a self-inflicted knife wound. His last words: "Remember my name." The name of the show? "Breaking Bard" (You really want to remove this blog from your bookmark list now, don't you?)
 

I have at least ten more of these. Hang on a second, there are a couple of guys ringing my doorbell. They're wearing white coats. I wonder what they want. I'll be back in a minute.

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Close Encounters of the Skeptical Kind: The Nigerian Houseguest

7/2/2014

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Recently I told a true story about a housemate of mine from Nigeria who was visiting Seattle for a couple months. The story was told a coffee shop open mic called Fresh Ground Stories. Here is a link to the 8 minute audio on Soundcloud. Here is an article with more about Fresh Ground Stories, and other story-telling opportunities in Seattle. FGS is hosted by the incomparable Paul Currington.

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    Scot Bastian Ph.D. is a scientist and artist who lives in Seattle WA.

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